The P-Foods


The letter “P” seemed to be a theme of yesterday. Pigskin. Pizza. Pudding. Paleo. Periods. Err, um. Yeah, I won’t go into detail but all week I’ve been craving bad food and chocolate because of, well, biology. And sorry to those of you who are sicked out by the sheer mention of that time of the month. Personally, I think you need to get over it. It shouldn’t be such a taboo subject. But whatever. I’ll move on. I can just see my mother shaking her head at me. She’s a classy Southern woman, and I’m her firstborn who moved out west and acquired the vernacular of a lady sailor. My inappropriateness can’t be blamed on California. It should probably mostly be blamed on advertising. But, to be fair, I’ve never really been that prim or proper. And now this tangent has traveled into a rabbit hole. Dammit. What is this post even about? Oh, right. Pizza and pudding. For those of you that stuck around: high five. Let’s be besties and make some damn good food.

I have painstakingly researched good paleo pizza crusts, and I finally found one that I wanted to try. I love coconut flour, but it’s so fine and dry and doesn’t seem like it would make for a great crust. I’ve never tried using it, so that’s purely an assumption, but I opted for this crust recipe from The Unrefined Kitchen. And let me tell you, this pizza was the jam. Here’s what you’ll need:


  • 2 cups almond flour
  • 1 cup arrowroot flour
  • 3 eggs
  • 1.5 tsp. oregano
  • 1.5 tsp. salt
  • 1.5 tsp. baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp. black pepper
  • 1/2 cup milk (I used coconut)
  • 1 7 oz. package goat mozzarella, shredded
  • 1 4 oz. package crumbled goat cheese
  • Pizza sauce (about half a jar)
  • 10 pieces uncured pepperoni
  • Italian seasoning (optional)
  • Oil for greasing and topping (I ended up using olive oil but coconut oil would work too)

And here’s what you do:

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Combine almond flour, arrowroot flour, oregano, salt, baking powder, and pepper in a bowl and mix. Add eggs and milk and stir until ingredients are mixed well:

PaleoPizzaDryWet PizzaMixedIngredients2

Grease a round pizza pan (I used olive oil) and pour mixed ingredients into pan. (It won’t be like normal pizza dough. It’s more of a liquid, so make sure your pizza pan has a lip to prevent spillage.) Then pop that puppy into the oven:

WetIngredientsInPan CrustInOven

Bake crust for 8-12 minutes, depending on your oven. Take out, top with sauce, goat cheeses, pepperoni, some Italian seasoning, and maybe even a little extra drizzle of olive oil before putting the pie back into the oven for 10-15 minutes:

BakedPizzaCrust ToppedPizza

Take out the pizza and revel in your creation before slicing and serving. Seriously, y’all. I could not believe this wasn’t real crust. And trust me, I love me some bread. I’m not one of those paleo converts who lies about missing bread. I miss bread and bready things:

CookedPizza PizzaInPan

I served the pizza with a simple salad. And before we dive into the pudding recipe I have to pimp this awesome dressing I found. It’s Virginia’s Live a Little Champagne Vinaigrette, and the ingredients are all safe (for the record I don’t consider xanthan gum unsafe). I found it at this market near Los Feliz (don’t roll your eyes at me), but you can buy it online here. It rocks:

ChampagneVin ChampVinIngred

Now moving onto pudding. This is another one of those recipes I couldn’t believe tasted so good. Especially because of what’s in it. But holy shit is it great. I adapted it from this recipe. And by adapted, I mean it’s basically the same except I added a couple extra flavors. So I can’t really take any credit for anything other than following directions and liking cinnamon and coconut palm sugar. So here’s what you’ll need:

  • 2 avocados
  • 1/2 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 1/4 cup coconut palm sugar
  • 2 Tbsp. coconut oil
  • 1 Tbsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tsp. salt

And here’s what you do:

  • Peel, pit, and chop avocado
  • Add to food processor along with all other ingredients and process until it looks like pudding
  • Eat right away to avoid it tasting weird (you know how avocados get once they’ve been exposed to air)

Yes. It’s really that easy. And yes. It tastes just like pudding. Better, even. Because of the whole crimson wave thing I felt compelled to devour half of this recipe, but I think it should probably serve 4-6 people. It’s pretty rich, so I recommend not inhaling half of it. Learn from my mistakes. I realize this is being posted a week after Thanksgiving, but the truth is that I started writing this prior to Turkey Day. I had almost a completely paleo Thanksgiving with the exception of cheesecake. And boy was that worth it. More about that later though.

For now, enjoy your pizza and pudding and give mad props to the letter “P”.


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